Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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