Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
