It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
