Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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