I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
