I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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