Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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