He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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