Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
