Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
