he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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