watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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