I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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