Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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