I think I won the penis lottery.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
