he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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