i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
