So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
