k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
