I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I checked into jail on foursquare
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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