It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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