i wish my penis had a tongue
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
