Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
