She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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