I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
