my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
