i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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