You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
