I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
