True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
