You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
