just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
