i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
