i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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