He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
