I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
