Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
