I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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