We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
