i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
