Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
