he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
