he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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