Just fell off a train. Bad.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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