he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
