im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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