Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
