Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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