I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
