I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
