ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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