Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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