Joe is yelling at the trees again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
