Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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