JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
