tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
