he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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